the first year

Let me start by stating that I’m very grateful that I can breastfeed my baby. I know that it doesn’t work for all mothers and babies for a variety of reasons, and I’m thankful that it has worked for me and my daughter. It’s been a wonderful bonding experience.

However, breastfeeding has turned me into a bottomless pit. I’m hungry all of the time. And of course I don’t crave kale and arugula. (Does anyone crave leafy greens?) I yearn for full-fat lattes and date squares. Salted chocolate chip cookies. Freshly-baked scones. Almond croissants. Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. Homemade blueberry pie topped with a scoop of French vanilla ice cream. I want it all! Right now!

I indulge in these cravings on a semi-regular basis because, well, it takes a lot of energy to feed a human baby! And because sometimes I’m just too exhausted to muster the willpower not to. Sure, breastfeeding burns a lot of calories–I’ve read anywhere from 200 to 800 calories per day (the Internet can be so reliable)–but in my experience it’s not quite enough to balance out the extra energy I’m consuming. It’s maddening to juggle two constant, conflicting desires: to (a) eat fattening baked goods with abandon and (b) fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans. Yes, I want to have my seven-layer chocolate cake and eat it, too. It’s an exhausting and frustrating mental battle, and when I get tired and frustrated, y’know what I wanna to do? EAT BAKED GOODS!!

And so I do… and I enjoy every last bite.