5 Ridiculously Fun Sports We’d Love To See At The Olympic Games
The IOC may not have sanctioned these “sports” for the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro, but we suspect they would draw a few more viewers than Olympic team handball!
1. Highboard Belly-Flopping . Sure, lithely-framed Olympic divers ooze artistry and athleticism during their aerial gymnastics and perfect pike displays. But entering a pool with minimal splash is very anti-climactic. Belly-flopping, on the other hand, unites the courageous skills of high-board divers with daredevil deft. Scoring is based on the following criteria: redness of belly, number of bleacher rows soaked and decibel level of impact (ten point deduction for loss of trunks).
2. Rhythmic Slip ‘n Slide . Think of it as a choreographed version of everyone’s fave backyard activity–or a semi-aquatic version of rhythmic gymnastics. Splashy tumbles and limber movements combine with slide routines performed along a 400-square-foot, sprayed-down surface. Hula-hoops, balls and ribbons are replaced with props including Super Soakers, overfilled water balloons and Baywatch-esque flotation devices.
3. Synchronized Making Out . These coordinated underwater kissing sessions, set to pop music, marry the captivating lightness of rhythmic gymnastics with the underwater moves of swimming’s 400-meter individual medley. Points awarded for minimal saliva drippage and smooth transitions from embrace to full-on make out maneuver.
4. Kim K Triathlon. Also known as the Iron Buttocks, the first leg of the “K” is a pro-athlete speed-dating race. The first 15 ladies to coax an NBA or NFL athlete into a starter marriage move on. Next up: wedding planning (judged using a 6.0 scale evaluating technical merit, artistic impression, ostentatiousness and photo rights’ revenues). The final leg is the second marriage-announcement performance, with bonus points awarded for the new hubby’s social media influence.
5. Greco Roman Thumb Wrestling . “One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war rrrrrrr-umble,” announces Michael Buffer. This is the only fight sport where the worst possible injury would be a sore thumb. Competitors don finger puppets to showcase individuality. Warriors then lock fingers with one another in an attempt to clamp down their opponent’s digit to the count of three. A competitor can force a pinky-finger tap-out with an array of submission holds, from the manicure-killing “Nail Bar” to the “Guillotine Knuckle Choke.”
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