relationships

See how you size up when it comes to communication, dating, decision-making, spending and sex!

1. The last time I said “I love you” was:
a) On our anniversary.
b) Yesterday.
c) I say it at least 20 times a day.
d) Uh…can’t remember.

Best bet: B
“I love you” isn’t something you want to play on repeat. “Saying it too often can devalue the meaning of the word for your partner,” warns Kimberly Moffit, a psychotherapist and couples’ counselor. By all means say it: The three magic words can make your partner feel special and help strengthen the connection–but don’t overdo it. “The most successful couples say ‘I love you’ when they really mean it–after a long conversation, over dinner, or every night before bed,” adds Moffit.

Bonus points: Rather than always resorting to those three little words, tell your partner what you love about them.

2. When it comes to dating, we:
a) Usually just hang out at home.
b) Make a point of spending a special evening together at least once a week.
c) Money’s tight, so we’ve put a cease and desist on date night.
d) Date?! Who has time to date?

Best bet: B
Don’t downplay dating. Money may be tight, you might be tired or insert excuse here, but spending QT together helps you feel connected. “It’s important for your partner to have your undivided attention so you can talk about the important stuff–thoughts, goals and dreams–as this is what usually starts the romance,” says Moffit, who suggests getting out of the house and away from distractions like kids, computers and cell phones.

Bonus points: Put down that iPhone for extra intimacy, and stay connected when you’re apart using 2life, the app for your most important relationship.

3. How do you make major household decisions?
a) I do as I’m told.
b) The buck stops with me (I admit it, I’m a bit of a control freak).
c) We split decisions down the middle–each takes half.
d) We discuss as a team and decide together.

Best bet: D
Making decisions together promotes that partnership feeling, says Louise Dorfman, a psychotherapist who co-counsels couples with her husband and fellow psychotherapist, David Rubinstein. To avoid any decision-making standstills, focus on your feelings rather than who’s right and wrong. “Have a face-to-face conversation, in which you calmly hear each other out,” suggests Rubinstein.

Bonus points: Some spouses welcome surprises, like trips or birthday parties, while others would not; know how your better half feels before you start planning.

4. When I give gifts to my main squeeze, I usually:
a) Panic! Run out and get something at the last minute.
b) Spend big bucks.
c) Listen to his/her clues.
d) I’m not much of a gift giver.

Best bet: C
“Giving gifts is an expression that you’re seeing your partner,” explains Rubinstein, who advises thinking of your partner, not yourself, when picking out presents. On the flip side, if you get a gift that falls short, don’t freak out. “Tell your partner in a way that won’t hurt their feelings and will still affirm your love for each other,” adds Dorfman.

Bonus points: Presents don’t have to come in a box. Make breakfast in bed or give your partner a much-needed massage.

5. How would you describe your sex life?
a) Lackluster.
b) On-again, off-again.
c) Satisfying.
d) Hot and heavy.

Best bet: C
It’s impossible to keep the sex meter on “hot and heavy” all the time; the key is to make sure you’re on the same passion page. “Talk openly about how each of you can meet the other person’s sexual needs,” suggests Dr. David McKenzie, a couples’ and sex therapist. So what if she wants sex once a week and he wants it everyday? Negotiate and compromise, says McKenzie. “Treat your relationship as a team.”

Bonus points: “Too much intimacy kills passion,” says McKenzie, who adds that spending time apart can actually help ignite the spark.

6. When it comes to money matters:
a) We spend differently, but budget together.
b) Arghhhhh! We can’t even mention money without arguing.
c) I can’t believe some of the purchases he/she makes.
d) Shhhh! I keep most purchases a secret.

Best bet: A
To avoid fighting over finances, the answer isn’t to avoid money matters (or hide things!), but to face the financial beast head-on. “Couples talking openly about money can definitely enhance intimacy and connection,” says Olivia Mellan, psychotherapist, money coach and author of Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships. Money can be an emotionally loaded subject, so talk feelings before facts and figures.

Bonus points: Schedule a monthly money meeting to nip peso problems in the bud.