Intimacy Tips From Relationship Expert Josey Vogels
Every couple experiences a lull in the intimacy department from time to time. But rather than idly sitting by and watching that once-red-hot flame turn to ashes, reignite the passion between you and your partner by following these tips from relationship expert Josey Vogels.
1. Plan ahead: Scheduling sexy time might not sound like the most romantic notion in the world, but, let’s face it, life gets busy and sometimes our sex lives suffer because of it. Or, maybe you’ve been with the same partner for a long time and things have become predictable. “Couples need to get away from the idea that planning for intimacy is somehow less romantic or less valid,” Vogels says, adding that planning ahead actually builds anticipation. Book a babysitter and enjoy date night at your favorite restaurant, or sneak away for a romantic couples weekend. If you can’t get out of town, spend the night at a local hotel. Removing yourselves from your everyday domestic situation will help you connect as a couple and talk about things outside of household chores and who’s driving the kids to swim practice.
2. Use a personal lubricant: Whether you’re 20 years old, or you’ve been with the same partner for 20 years, using a personal lubricant during sex is a great way to heat things up in bed. Some couples might be hesitant to bring “outside intervention” into their sex lives, fearing that it means there’s something “wrong” that needs to be “fixed.” But Vogels doesn’t see it that way: “Think of using a personal lubricant more as an enhancement to pleasure, rather than a solution to a problem.” Vogels go-to recommendation: K-Y Brand Touch 2-in-1 warming oil and personal lubricant.
3. Unplug in the bedroom: Vogels advises couples to “turn the bedroom into a bedroom” by removing all electronic devices. Whether it’s a smartphone, tablet, laptop or flatscreen TV, screens and the boudoir do not mix. Having devices in the room distracts you and your from focusing on each other, which isn’t likely to lead to flirty pillow talk, let alone sex.
4. Communicate: You might not associate having a great sex life with communication, but guess what? The two are, ahem, intimately linked. This doesn’t mean you have to have an epic talk once a week–it just means keeping open lines of communication, in and out of the bedroom. It’s about sharing those positive thoughts that you have about your partner, that you don’t necessarily say out loud. Couples who have been together for a long time tend to focus on what their partner isn’t doing, instead of what they are doing, but small expressions of appreciation and gratitude can go a long way, says Vogels. “Make a point of complimenting your partner every day. Tell them one thing they did that day that you appreciated. Those simple, little things can go a long way to keeping the positive energy between you alive.”