The Rules Of Attraction

Who pays on the first date?
In general, the person who does the asking out should be prepared to pay for the date, but it can be a nice gesture for the person being taken out to offer some level of contribution on the date. For example, if a guy asks a girl out on a dinner and a movie date, the guy should be prepared to pay for the entire dinner bill and movie tickets. The girl could offer to buy popcorn to share during the movie or if she really wants to make a contribution, she could offer to buy the movie tickets since the guy paid for dinner. Beyond that, I personally recommend that guys pay on the early dates or at least offer to pay in heterosexual relationships. It’s about putting your best foot forward and doing what you can to make her want to go on future dates with you. And ladies, if your guy is paying for the date, always be appreciative. Entitlement is never attractive!

When should I text or call?
As a general rule, it’s important to be in touch an average of every 3-5 days to keep your love interest interested. After a date, there should be a follow-up text or call no more than 3 days after the end of your date. If you wait too long to contact your love interest, he or she could interpret your silence as game playing or disinterest. If you aren’t in touch, I guarantee that there will be someone keeping in touch with him or her on a regular basis, and that person will be taken more seriously throughout the courtship and dating process. If you usually call each other, a quick call to say hello is a great way to stay on your love interest’s radar. If you usually text, a few quick texts should keep you on their radar. The most important thing is to keep in touch, but if your love interest has mentioned that they prefer calling to texting or vice versa, do your best to oblige.

How can I decline a date night invite?
It can be difficult to reject someone who’s interested in you, especially if they have a good heart and haven’t done anything malicious during your time together. When you just aren’t feeling it, tell your love interest that you aren’t in a place where you are looking for a relationship right now. By using this soft rejection, you are letting your love interest know that “it’s not them, it’s you” and thereby respectfully declining their date-night invite.

What’s a good second date hint?
By mentioning that you’ve always wanted to go to  (insert date idea here) or you’ve been wanting to try a specific restaurant for a long time now, your love interest will hopefully get the idea and make a plan to cross some things off of your date night wish list. You could also hint that you are interested in a second date by telling your love interest what days you are free in the coming week or two. A simple “I think I’m finishing work early on Friday” or “my favorite band is playing on Saturday” should get the ball rolling.

Is there an invisible price tag?
Women especially need to be aware and be cautious of an “invisible price tag” when it comes to dating and receiving gifts. Though it is extremely thoughtful for a love interest to buy gifts during the courting process, sometimes these gifts can have expectations attached to them. A love interest might give a gift with the hopes of making things official, or possibly even with the expectation of a sexual interaction. The bigger the gift, the bigger the “price tag.” It’s up to each person whether or not they accept a gift that is offered early on in the dating process. It’s just important to be sure that you aren’t expected to give something in return. Until you are clear on your love interest’s intentions, it might be best to politely decline a gift, especially if it’s expensive, overly personal, or with strings attached, in the early dating process.

How do I deal with rejection?
Just remember that no one gets a yes 100% of the time! If someone isn’t interested in you or doesn’t want to move the relationship into a more serious phase, try not to take it too personally. It’s never easy to hear that you aren’t what your love-interest is looking for, but it would be way worse for someone to pretend that they are whole-heartedly into you when they aren’t. Someone telling you that you are not the one for them, allows you to move on and date those who do want to be with you.

The Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman, is a single life consultant/dating expert/radio host/author who lives in Los Angeles, California. Erin empowers singles by helping them to take control of their dating lives and stop ‘dating by default.’ She also encourages singles to have a happy, healthy, and enjoyable single life without losing themselves in the dating process. In addition to her weekly radio show on 99.3 KCLA FM in Los Angeles, The Dating Advice Girl Radio Show, she also contributes segments and articles to various media outlets locally, nationally, and internationally, and has an active presence on social media. Her book, The Dating Guidebook, is a great tool for any single guy or gal who wants to date consciously and take control of their dating lives.

Image(s): Lena Sergeeva

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